Welcome to ELWOOD'S CLUB!

Established on April 7, 2015

Hello, I am ten years old and I am in the 5th grade.  I really like to read and play the piano, and I enjoy computer games, too.  Some of my friends say I have two brains...

I plan to add a photo Gallery of my family and other funny people or things.

      If I Were President

      If I were President of the United States
      I'd cancel peanut butter,
      violent movies, school,
      crayons, and also nasty little dogs.

      If I were President of the United States
      There'd be pet dragons,
      time machines, and
      3 dollar bills.

      If I were President of the United States
      You wouldn't have diseases.
      You wouldn't have droughts.
      You wouldn't have nightmares.
      Or "EEEK! a spider!"
      You wouldn't even have spiders.

      If I were President of the United States
      A crocodile with a collar would
      be a pet.
      All turtles would be rainbow colors,
      And a person who sometimes forgot
      to go to the bathroom,
      And sometimes forgot to remember,
      Would still be allowed to be
      President of the United States.

And... a few of my friends say I remind of them of some boy-king name of Tut.

My Life at Age 40
By Elwood Beard

Wow, I'm so excited to become 40, 1 can't even think about what it could be like!

Wait, HERE COMES A THOUGHT, HERE COMES A THOOUUUGHT- Sorry, got a bit hyperactive there, though, now that I think about it, 40 isn't always that great.  I mean, you'd have no curfew and all, but would you really want to pay rent and taxes?  Hmm, lemme imagine my life at 40,1 wonder if it's good or bad or even "mediocre"...

Ok, I'll focus on the positives first...when I become 40, I'll live in an underground submarine in Las Vegas!  I'd have graduated from Harvard, and have a great wife!  Every summer, we'd go to Hawaii, and every winter, we'd go to Paris.  My job would be in an orchestra,  I'll get $127 a day!  My hobbies would include collecting strange rocks, and playing the piano, whilst having great, polite children that don't, uh, throw their food..

Hmm, well, now that I think more about it, 40 can be sort of a looming terror... I mean, I'll have responsibilities, and possibly annoying kids, and - AHH!  I COULD BE BALD AND HAVE NO HAIR!  I MIGHT BE BLIND AND WONT BE ABLE TO SEE! -And,  I MIGHT GET DIVORCED AND LOSE MY WIFE!  AHH!  Oh yeah, I COULD ALSO BE DEAF AND NOT BE ABLE TO HEAR! AHH- Wow, how man times have I been screaming in fear over disabilities and other negatives of 40?

40, still a great enigma of my future, I wonder what's in store for me.  If only I knew what the world is holding for my life... Hey, wait, no way, what's that I see over there?!  Is that a time machine in my backyard due to a totally not ironic coincidence that happened to occur when I was questioning myself 30 years in the future??  Yippee, now I can see my future self at 40, so here I come, future me!

After I Invented the Taxi
The people of New York City were so grateful to me for inventing the taxi cab that they put my picture on the side of one of their buildings...

                Since April 7, 2015 -- You are Visitor Number   4761